You know when you’re 6/8ths of the way through a wedding and the planner comes around with a basket of monogrammed socks and you gleefully toss your heels under the table and slide the socks on your feet and then run out to the dance floor just as the first unmistakable notes of Mr. Brightside hits and, as a caterer hands you a kabob of three mini donuts TO EAT WHILE YOU DANCE, and you look around and notice how insanely rad the string lights are above you and the colored up-lights are all on the brick walls around you, and you realize how much FREAKING FUN this wedding is because your mind is no longer hijacked by the unconscious background buzz of misery due to the discomfort of your wobbly, stylish feet nooses?!?! 👠 😈
….that’s exactly how it felt when I got on a proper dose of medication after decades of living with a background buzz of undiagnosed depression.
Suddenly, without the soundtrack of self-loathing thoughts playing on loop in my head like hell-ish “on hold with your insurance company” music, I could be truly present in the world.
More metaphors for this sensation include:
taking off polarized sunglasses and realizing the snow isn’t tinted blue
bringing your laptop in for battery help and getting it back with the keyboard vacuumed and realizing your keys hadn’t turned to German letters, the umlauts were just umm..lotsa caked-on crumbs
organizing your closet and reuniting with a floor
seeing your husband after a short shave and remembering you’re only meh on his full face
It’s kind of like the reverse of brushing your teeth and then drinking coffee.
☕️
I think every day this past October I gasped and asked Jesse if the fall foliage has ever been this stunning because I truly couldn't believe the beauty.
“Yeah, it looks like this every year,” he’d say.
And then I’d taste a combo platter of sadness-gladness where on one hand I’m sad to realize how much my depression had dulled me and muted my world, but also I’m glad that now I could experience life with a level of sensitivity and awe I can only imagine is what guys feel when they have condom-less intercourse for the first time.
🙈
SO. All this to say: I've been delighting in the teeny tiniest things now that I can see them.
And I’m not talking raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens. I’m talking labels on shampoo bottles and a documentary series on Autistic Australians falling in love over a mutual love of Thomas the Tank Engine.
And I want to share these things with you.
I often get caught up on the M A C R O problems in life.
(Which is why, as you know, I'm writing a new book focused on the collective existential crisis I’m convinced we’re all experiencing.)
But it's not just the big things in life that can suck
And therefore, it's not just the big things in life that can be magnificent.
The macro, after all, is made of the micro.
(Which is why the micro-sized chocolate sprinkles I pour on my DIY fro-yo bowl can add up to a macro amount of money.)
So I’m going to start writing to you with three teeny tiny things I find delightful now that my head isn’t hijacked with mind-numbing high-heel-like depression. (Full circle 👠)
I’m calling it:
Three Things That Make Life Less of a Heartburn:
#1: 🧻🧻🧻 Toilet paper with more positive attributes than are found in most people, let alone in TOILET PAPER.
I think TP and I sharing initials makes me somewhat more of an authority on the subject than most everyone—unless your name is Scott. So take it from me that this TP is VIP. First of all, it’s called “Who Gives a Crap” which already makes it better than all other toilet paper out there.
But a punny poo name isn’t enough to get my tushy’s loyalty. That comes from the fact that 50% of their profits are used to build toilets for the 2 billion people who don’t have access to toilets, combined with their TP being made 100% from bamboo which is as close as you can get to sustainable toilet paper without just using a wad of grass or a pinecone. Bamboo, I recently learned, grows like mold on Ezekial bread—FAST, and it’s also a GRASS meaning it doesn’t add to the 27,000 trees A DAY that are mass-murdered TO MAKE REGULAR TOILET PAPER.
Finally, as with anything worth giving a crap about these days, you can buy them for pretty cheap in bulk and shipped directly to you and your loo, AND, for added delight, the rolls are so cute I would 0% judge you using three stacked in a pyramid a centerpiece in a pinch.
#2: 👥 💋 📺 The two seasons of the Netflix documentary series Love on the Spectrum which is up at the tippy top of my spectrum of BEST THING I’VE EVER WATCHED WITH MY EYES.
I’d write a charmingly witty description of this heartfelt, genuine, restoring-faith-in-humanity [too] short docuseries but I’d be remiss to add any more time between you and watching it.
#3: 🎧 📚 The FREE app Libby, which allows you to rent audiobooks from your local library on your tablet/phone FOR FREE.
All you need is a FREE library card which you can easily get at your local lib (yes, they still exist). You plug the deets into the Libby app and enter a world where Amazon doesn’t reign king.
I’ve always had a stick up my butt about buying audiobooks. (Though, when mine comes out in like 2023 or 2024 please buy it!!!!)
Physical book books double as home decor, triple as yoga blocks, and quadruple as…friends… not to mention that I cannot interact with a piece of paper without a writing utensil, and that I usually read physical books many times, and often gift a book to a house visitor with whom I sense a psychic connection.
But having a stack of audiobooks built up in my Audible app drives me a little nuts since podcasts are free, you know?
A few weeks ago I remembered that Audible has a refund option which I also find weird, like returning an audiobook that I still have saved to my phone… but I was irked with the books I’d tasted but didn’t finish so I tried to return one and it worked! Then I tried another one and it worked! And as my credit refund tally kept growing I felt like a gambler at a slot machine and overzealously pushed the limit and now Audible shut me off from being able to return because they said I’ve abused the privilege and now I’m wondering if my mom works for Audible…or at least writes their scolds…
So I’d been renting ebooks on Libby for a year with glee, but suddenly, feeling too timid and ashamed to re-enter Audible for a while, my subconscious did some troubleshooting (as it does in life or death situations) and I suddenly realized I CAN RENT AUDIOBOOKS ON LIBBY TOO!!!! HALLIBBYELUJAH!
Okay well, this was fun. For me at least! I’ll be back next week with Volume 2 of Three Things That Make Life Less of a Heartburn. I hope you’ll subscribe to my Substack here so you never miss a thing…or three.
Hugs,
Talia